Tortilla Flat Read online

  Dolores' voice sounded as huskily sweet as the drone of a bumblebee. "Ai, amigo, a'onde vas?"

  Danny stopped. A revolution took place in his plans. "How are you, Sweets?"

  "What difference is it how I am? None of my friends are interested," she said archly. And her hips floated in a graceful and circular undulation.

  "What do you mean?" he demanded.

  "Well, does my friend Danny ever come to see me?"

  "I am here to see thee now," he said gallantly.

  She opened the gate a little. "Wilt thou come in for a tiny glass of wine in friendship's name?" Danny went into her house. "What hast thou been doing in the forest? " she cooed.

  Then he made an error. He told vaingloriously of his transaction up the hill, and boasted of his three dollars.

  "Of course I have only enough wine to fill two thimbles, " she said.

  They sat in Sweets' kitchen and drank a glass of wine. In a little while Danny assaulted her virtue with true gallantry and vigor. He found to his amazement a resistance out of all proportion to her size and reputation. The ugly beast of lust was awakened in him. He was angry. Only when he was leaving was the way made clear to him.

  The husky voice said, "Maybe you would like to come and see me this evening, Danny." Sweets' eyes swam in a mist of drowsy invitation. "One has neighbors, " she suggested with delicacy.

  Then he understood. "I will come back," he promised.

  It was midafternoon. Danny walked down the street, reaimed at Torrelli's; and the beast in him had changed. From a savage and snarling wolf it had become a great, shaggy, sentimental bear. "I will take wine to that nice Sweets," he thought.

  On the way down, whom should he meet but Pablo, and Pablo had two sticks of gum. He gave one to Danny and fell into step. "Where goest thou?"

  "It is no time for friendship," Danny said tartly. "First I go to buy a little wine to take to a lady. You may come with me, and have one glass only. I am tired of buying wine for ladies only to have my friends drink it all up."

  Pablo agreed that such a practice was unendurable. For himself, he didn't want Danny's wine, but only his companionship.

  They went to Torrelli's. They had a glass of wine out of the new bought gallon. Danny confessed that it was shabby treatment to give his friend only one little glass. Over Pablo's passionate protest they had another. Ladies, Danny thought, should not drink too much wine. They were apt to become silly; and besides, it dulled some of those senses one liked to find alert in a lady. They had a few more glasses. Half a gallon of wine was a bountiful present, especially as Danny was about to go down to buy another present. They measured down half a gallon and drank what was over. Then Danny hid the jug in the weeds in a ditch.

  "I would like you to come with me to buy the present, Pablo," he said.

  Pablo knew the reason for the invitation. Half of it was a desire for Pablo's company, and half was fear of leaving the wine while Pablo was at large. They walked with studied dignity and straightness down the hill of Monterey.

  Mr. Simon, of Simon's Investment, Jewelry, and Loan Company, welcomed them into his store. The name of the store defined the outward limits of the merchandise the company sold; for there were saxophones, radios, rifles, knives, fishing-rods, and old coins on the counter; all secondhand, but all really better than new because they were just well broken-in.

  "Something you would like to see?" Mr. Simon asked.

  "Yes," said Danny.

  The proprietor named over a tentative list and then stopped in the middle of a word, for he saw that Danny was looking at a large aluminum vacuum-cleaner. The dust-bag was blue and yellow checks. The electric cord was long and black and slick. Mr. Simon went to it and rubbed it with his hand and stood off and admired it. "Something in a vacuum-cleaner?" he asked.

  "How much?"

  "For this one, fourteen dollars." It was not a price so much as an endeavor to find out how much Danny had. And Danny wanted it, for it was large and shiny. No woman of Tortilla Flat had one. In this moment he forgot there was no electricity on Tortilla Flat. He laid his two dollars on the counter and waited while the explosion took place; the fury, the rage, the sadness, the poverty, the ruin, the cheating. The polish was invoked, the color of the bag, the extra long cord, the value of the metal alone. And when it was all over, Danny went out carrying the vacuum-cleaner.

  Often as a pasatiempo in the afternoon, Sweets brought out the vacuum-cleaner and leaned it against a chair. While her friends looked on, she pushed it back and forth to show how easily it rolled. And she made a humming with her voice to imitate a motor.

  "My friend is a rich man," she said. "I think pretty soon there will be wires full of electricity coming right into the house, and then zip and zip and zip! And you have the house clean!"

  Her friends tried to belittle the present, saying, "It is too bad you can't run this machine." And, "I have always held that a broom and dust-pan, properly used, are more thorough."

  But their envy could do nothing against the vacuum. Through its possession Sweets climbed to the peak of the social scale of Tortilla Flat. People who did not remember her name referred to her as "that one with the sweeping-machine." Often when her enemies passed the house, Sweets could be seen through the window, pushing the cleaner back and forth, while a loud humming came from her throat. Indeed, after she had swept her house every day, she pushed the cleaner about on the theory that of course it would clean better with electricity but one could not have everything.

  She excited envy in many houses. Her manner became dignified and gracious, and she held her chin high as befitted one who had a sweeping-machine. In her conversation she included it. "Ramon passed this morning while I was pushing the sweeping-machine"; "Louise Meater cut her hand this morning, not three hours after I had been pushing the sweeping-machine."

  But in her elevation she did not neglect Danny. Her voice growled with emotion when he was about. She swayed like a pine tree in the wind. And he spent every evening at the house of Sweets.

  At first his friends ignored his absence, for it is the right of every man to have these little affairs. But as the weeks went on, and as a rather violent domestic life began to make Danny listless and pale, his friends became convinced that Sweets' gratitude for the sweeping-machine was not to Danny's best physical interests. They were jealous of a situation that was holding his attention so long.

  Pilon and Pablo and Jesus Maria Corcoran in turn assaulted the nest of his affections during his absence; but Sweets, while she was sensible of the compliment, remained true to the man who had raised her position to such a gratifying level. She tried to keep their friendship for a future time of need, for she knew how fickle fortune is; but she stoutly refused to share with Danny's friends that which was dedicated for the time being to Danny.

  Wherefore the friends, in despair, organized a group, formed for and dedicated to her destruction.

  It may be that Danny, deep in his soul, was beginning to tire of Sweets' affection and the duty of attendance it demanded. If such a change were taking place, he did not admit it to himself.

  At three o'clock one afternoon Pilon and Pablo and Jesus Maria, followed vaguely by Big Joe Portagee, returned triumphant from three-quarters of a day of strenuous effort. Their campaign had called into play and taxed to the limit the pitiless logic of Pilon, the artistic ingenuousness of Pablo, and the gentleness and humanity of Jesus Maria Corcoran. Big Joe had contributed nothing.

  But now, like four hunters, they returned from the chase more happy because their victory had been a difficult one. And in Monterey a poor puzzled Italian came gradually to the conviction that he had been swindled.

  Pilon carried a gallon jug of wine concealed in a bundle of ivy. They marched joyfully into Danny's house, and Pilon set the gallon on the table.

  Danny, awakened out of a sound sleep, smiled quietly, got up from bed, and laid out the fruit jars. He poured the wine. His four friends fell into chairs, for it had been an exhausting day.
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  They drank quietly in the late afternoon, that time of curious intermission. Nearly everyone in Tortilla Flat stops then and considers those things that have taken place in the day just past, and thinks over the possibilities of the evening. There are many things to discuss in an afternoon.

  "Cornelia Ruiz got a new man this morning," Pilon observed. "He has a bald head. His name is Kilpatrick. Cornelia says her other man didn't come home three nights last week. She didn't like that."

  "Cornelia is a woman who changes her mind too quickly," said Danny. He thought complacently of his own sure establishment, built on the rock of the vacuum-cleaner.

  "Cornelia's father was worse," said Pablo. "He could not tell the truth. Once he borrowed a dollar from me. I have told Cornelia about it, and she does nothing."

  "Two of one blood. 'Know the breed and know the dog,' " Pilon quoted virtuously.

  Danny poured the jars full of wine again, and the gallon was exhausted. He looked ruefully at it.

  Jesus Maria, that lover of the humanities, spoke up quietly. "I saw Susie Francisco, Pilon. She said the recipe worked fine. She has been out riding with Charlie Guzman on his motorcycle three times. The first two times she gave him the love medicine it made him sick. She thought it was no good. But now Susie says you can have some cookies any time."

  "What was in that potion?" Pablo asked.

  Pilon became secretive. "I cannot tell all of it. I guess it must have been the poison oak in it that made Charlie Guzman sick."

  The gallon of wine had gone too quickly. Each of the six friends was conscious of a thirst so sharp that it was a pain of desire. Pilon looked at his friends with drooped eyes, and they looked back at him. The conspiracy was ready.

  Pilon cleared his throat. "What hast thou done, Danny, to set the whole town laughing at thee?"

  Danny looked worried. "What do you mean?"

  Pilon chuckled. "It is said by many that you bought a sweeping-machine for a lady, and that machine will not work unless wires are put into the house. Those wires cost a great deal of money. Some people find this present very funny."

  Danny grew uncomfortable. "That lady likes the sweeping-machine," he said defensively.

  "Why not?" Pablo agreed. "She has told some people that you have promised to put wires into her house so the sweeping-machine will work."

  Danny looked even more perturbed. "Did she say that?"

  "So I was told."

  "Well, I will not," Danny cried.

  "If I did not think it funny, I should be angry to hear my friend laughed at," Pilon observed.

  "What will you do when she asks for those wires?" Jesus Maria asked.

  "I will tell her 'no,' " said Danny.

  Pilon laughed. "I wish I could be there. It is not such a simple thing to tell that lady 'no.' "

  Danny felt that his friends were turning against him. "What shall I do?" he asked helplessly.

  Pilon gave the matter his grave consideration and brought his realism to bear on the subject. "If that lady did not have the sweeping-machine, she would not want those wires," he said.

  The friends nodded in agreement. "Therefore," Pilon continued, "the thing to do is to remove the sweeping-machine."

  "Oh, she wouldn't let me take it," Danny protested.

  "Then we will help you," said Pilon. "I will take the machine, and in return you can take the lady a present of a gallon of wine. She will not even know where the sweeping-machine has gone."

  "Some neighbor will see you take it."

  "Oh, no," said Pilon. "You stay here, Danny. I will get the machine."

  Danny sighed with relief that his problem was assumed by his good friends.

  There were few things going on in Tortilla Flat that Pilon did not know. His mind made sharp little notes of everything that his eyes saw or his ears heard. He knew that Sweets went to the store at four-thirty every afternoon. He depended upon this almost invariable habit to put his plan into effect.

  "It is better that you do not know anything about it," he told Danny.

  In the yard Pilon had a gunny sack in readiness. With his knife he cut a generous branch from the rose bush and pushed it into the sack.

  At Sweets' house he found her absent, as he had expected and hoped she would be. "It is really Danny's machine," he told himself.

  It was a moment's work to enter the house, to put the vacuum-cleaner in the sack, and to arrange the rose branch artistically in the sack's mouth.

  As he came out of the yard, he met Sweets. Pilon took off his hat politely. "I stepped in to pass the time," he said.

  "Will you stop now, Pilon?"

  "No. I have business in Monterey. It is late."

  "Where do you go with this rose bush?"

  "A man in Monterey is to buy it. A very fine rose bush. See how strong it is."

  "Stop in some other time, Pilon."

  He heard no cry of anger as he walked sedately down the street. "Perhaps she will not miss it for a while," he thought.

  Half the problem was solved, but half was yet to be approached. "What can Danny do with this sweeping-machine? " Pilon asked himself. "If he has it, Sweets will know he has taken it. Can I throw it away? No, for it is valuable. The thing to do would be to get rid of it and still to reap the benefit of its value."

  Now the whole problem was solved. Pilon headed down the hill toward Torrelli's house.

  It was a large and shining vacuum-cleaner. When Pilon came again up the hill, he had a gallon of wine in each hand.

  The friends received him in silence when he entered Danny's house. He set one jug on the table and the other on the floor.

  "I have brought you a present to take to the lady," he told Danny. "And here is a little wine for us."

  They gathered happily, for their thirst was a raging fire. When the first gallon was far gone, Pilon held his glass to the candlelight and looked through it. "Things that happen are of no importance," he said. "But from everything that happens, there is a lesson to be learned. By this we learn that a present, especially to a lady, should have no quality that will require a further present. Also we learn that it is sinful to give presents of too great value, for they may excite greed."

  The first gallon was gone. The friends looked at Danny to see how he felt about it. He had been very quiet, but now he saw that his friends were waiting on him.

  "That lady was lively," he said judiciously. "That lady had a very sympathetic nature. But God damn it!" he said, "I'm sick of it!" He went to the second jug and drew the cork.

  The Pirate, sitting in the corner among his dogs, smiled to himself and whispered in admiration, " 'God damn it, I'm sick of it.' " That, thought the Pirate, was very fine.

  They had not more than half finished the second jug, indeed they had sung only two songs, when young Johnny Pom-pom came in. "I was at Torrelli's," Johnny said. "Oh, that Torrelli is mad! He is shouting! He is beating on the table with his fists."

  The friends looked up with mild interest. "Something has happened. It is probable Torrelli deserves it."

  "Often he has refused his good customers a little glass of wine."

  "What is the matter with Torrelli?" Pablo asked.

  Johnny Pom-pom accepted a jar of wine. "Torrelli says he bought a sweeping-machine from Pilon, and when he hooked it up to his light wire, it would not work. So he looked on the inside, and it had no motor. He says he will kill Pilon."

  Pilon looked shocked. "I did not know this machine was at fault," he said. "But did I not say Torrelli deserved what was the matter with him? That machine was worth three or four gallons of wine, but that miser Torrelli would give no more than two."

  Danny still felt a glow of gratitude toward Pilon. He smacked his lips on his wine. "This stuff of Torrelli's is getting worse and worse," he said. "At its best it is swill the pigs leave, but lately it is so bad that Charlie Marsh even would not drink it."

  They all felt a little bit revenged on Torrelli then.

  "I think," said Danny, "that we wil
l buy our wine some place else, if Torrelli does not look out."

  10

  HOW THE FRIENDS SOLACED A CORPORAL AND IN RETURN RECEIVED A LESSON IN PATERNAL ETHICS.

  Jesus Maria Corcoran was a pathway for the humanities. Suffering he tried to relieve; sorrow he tried to assuage; happiness he shared. No hard nor haunted Jesus Maria existed. His heart was free for the use of anyone who had a use for it. His resources and wits were at the disposal of anyone who had less of either than had Jesus Maria.

  He it was who carried Jose de la Nariz four miles when Jose's leg was broken. When Mrs. Palochico lost the goat of her heart, the good goat of milk and cheese, it was Jesus Maria who traced that goat to Big Joe Portagee and halted the murder and made Big Joe give it back. It was Jesus Maria who once picked Charlie Marsh out of a ditch where he lay in his own filth, a deed which required not only a warm heart, but a strong stomach.

  Together with his capacity for doing good, Jesus Maria had a gift for coming in contact with situations where good wanted doing.

  Such was his reputation that Pilon had once said, "If that Jesus Maria had gone into the Church, Monterey would have had a saint for the calendar, I tell you."

  Out of some deep pouch in his soul Jesus Maria drew kindness that renewed itself by withdrawal.

  It was Jesus Maria's practice to go to the post office every day, first because there he could see many people whom he knew, and second because on that windy post office corner he could look at the legs of a great many girls. It must not be supposed that in this latter interest there was any vulgarity. As soon criticize a man who goes to art galleries or to concerts. Jesus Maria liked to look at girls' legs.

  One day when he had leaned against the post office for two hours with very little success, he was witness to a pitiful scene. A policeman came along the sidewalk leading a young boy of about sixteen, and the boy carried a little baby wrapped in a piece of gray blanket.

  The policeman was saying, "I don't care if I can't understand you. You can't sit in the gutter all day. We'll find out about you."

  And the boy, in Spanish with a peculiar inflection, said, "But, senor, I do nothing wrong. Why do you take me away?"

  The policeman saw Jesus Maria. "Hey, paisano," he called. "What's this cholo talking about?"

  Jesus Maria stepped out and addressed the boy. "Can I be of service to you?"